Corruption at its best...gotta love this
On Tom Mboya Street, Nairobi ,Kenya A Pastor met a team of policemen who, quite naturally wanted '"Kitu Kidogo" (that is the household name for a bribe) from him, but since he wasn't prepared to play their games, they asked him to pull off and show his driving papers. Having gone through them, they had nothing to hold against the pastor, they asked him to open the bonnet of his car. A careful scrutiny of the engine number against that on paper revealed that letter U was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter V …. . The officer-in-charge yelled "stolen vehicle!!” The Pastor sensing trouble, even when he knew he had committed no offence, yelled back; "Am a pastor not a thief" The officer replied: "Please, leave that pastor thing...in any case, if you are indeed a pastor, then you must have a Bible in your car, bring it." The Pastor speedily brought out his Bible to proof his sanity.
"Please read Matthew 5:25-26 to me." Incredulously, Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read: "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to th e officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until you have paid the last penny" The perplexed man of God "QUIETLY" made an "offering" of "some shillings to his newly found "preacher". The Officer collected his "kitu kidogo" and said to the pastor,
"End of service, go in peace and argue no more".
You can't beat such a cop at his game!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
A LESSON ON LOVE, FOR YOU MY FRIEND
A lesson for anyone who is single, not so single, a playboy/girl type ,engaged, married, Heartbroken, Naive, Still holding on….a lesson for you
To My Friends Who Are........... SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly.
The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you just let it fly, It will come to you when you least expect it.
Love can make you happy but often it hurts,
but love is only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it.
So take your time and choose the best.
To My Friends Who Are........... NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person”
It's about finding someone who helps you become
the best person you can be.
To My Friends Who Are........... PLAYBOY /GIRL TYPE
Never say "I love you" if you don't care.
Never talk about feelings if they aren't there.
Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.
Never look in the eye when all you do is lie.
The cruelest thing a person can do to other people:
Is to let then fall in love when he/she doesn't intend
to catch them fall and it works both ways.
To My Friends Who Are........... ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together
But how good you are for each other.
To My Friends Who Are........... MARRIED
Love is not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry."
Not "where are you", but "I'm right here"
Not "how could you", but "I understand"
Not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are"
To My Friends Who Are........... HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want
and cut as deep as you allow them to go
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks
But to learn from them.
To My Friends Who Are ........... NAIVE
How to be in love:
Be consistent but not too persistent,
Share and never be unfair,
Understand and try not to demand,
And get hurt but never keep the pain.
To My Friends Who Are........... POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love
Happy with someone else
But it's more painful to know that the one you love
Is unhappy with you.
To My Friends Who Are........... AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most:
When the person you love has no idea how you feel about him/her
To My Friends Who Are........... STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is,
When you meet someone and fall in love,
Only to find out in the end that
It was never meant to be,
And that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it.
If that person doesn’t worth it now,
it’s not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now.
TO ALL MY FRIENDS
My wish for you is
A soul mate whose love is:
Honest, strong and mature,
Never-changing, and protective,
Encouraging, rewarding and unselfish.
I wish you unconditional love
To My Friends Who Are........... SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly.
The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you just let it fly, It will come to you when you least expect it.
Love can make you happy but often it hurts,
but love is only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it.
So take your time and choose the best.
To My Friends Who Are........... NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person”
It's about finding someone who helps you become
the best person you can be.
To My Friends Who Are........... PLAYBOY /GIRL TYPE
Never say "I love you" if you don't care.
Never talk about feelings if they aren't there.
Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.
Never look in the eye when all you do is lie.
The cruelest thing a person can do to other people:
Is to let then fall in love when he/she doesn't intend
to catch them fall and it works both ways.
To My Friends Who Are........... ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together
But how good you are for each other.
To My Friends Who Are........... MARRIED
Love is not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry."
Not "where are you", but "I'm right here"
Not "how could you", but "I understand"
Not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are"
To My Friends Who Are........... HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want
and cut as deep as you allow them to go
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks
But to learn from them.
To My Friends Who Are ........... NAIVE
How to be in love:
Be consistent but not too persistent,
Share and never be unfair,
Understand and try not to demand,
And get hurt but never keep the pain.
To My Friends Who Are........... POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love
Happy with someone else
But it's more painful to know that the one you love
Is unhappy with you.
To My Friends Who Are........... AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most:
When the person you love has no idea how you feel about him/her
To My Friends Who Are........... STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is,
When you meet someone and fall in love,
Only to find out in the end that
It was never meant to be,
And that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it.
If that person doesn’t worth it now,
it’s not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now.
TO ALL MY FRIENDS
My wish for you is
A soul mate whose love is:
Honest, strong and mature,
Never-changing, and protective,
Encouraging, rewarding and unselfish.
I wish you unconditional love
Which One Are You???
Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn't know how she was going to make it.
She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed.
Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen.
He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.
Once the three pots began to boil,
he placed potatoes in one pot,
eggs in the second pot
and ground coffee beans in the third pot.
He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter.
The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing.
After twenty minutes he turned off the burners.
He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl.
He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.
Turning to her, he asked. "Daughter, what do you see?"
"Potatoes, eggs, and coffee," she hastily replied.
"Look closer", he said, "and touch the potatoes."
She did and noted that they were soft.
He then asked her to take an egg and break it.
After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee.
Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.
"Father, what does this mean?" she asked.
He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity-the boiling water.
However, each one reacted differently.
The potato went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak.
The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard.
However, the ground coffee beans were unique.
After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.
"Which one are you," he asked his daughter.
"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
In life, things happen around us, things happen to us,
but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.
Which one are you? When problems come (and they will) how will we react? Will they make us
weak, hard hearted or will they cause us to change into something worthwhile?
She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed.
Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen.
He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.
Once the three pots began to boil,
he placed potatoes in one pot,
eggs in the second pot
and ground coffee beans in the third pot.
He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter.
The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing.
After twenty minutes he turned off the burners.
He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl.
He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.
Turning to her, he asked. "Daughter, what do you see?"
"Potatoes, eggs, and coffee," she hastily replied.
"Look closer", he said, "and touch the potatoes."
She did and noted that they were soft.
He then asked her to take an egg and break it.
After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee.
Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.
"Father, what does this mean?" she asked.
He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity-the boiling water.
However, each one reacted differently.
The potato went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak.
The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard.
However, the ground coffee beans were unique.
After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.
"Which one are you," he asked his daughter.
"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
In life, things happen around us, things happen to us,
but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.
Which one are you? When problems come (and they will) how will we react? Will they make us
weak, hard hearted or will they cause us to change into something worthwhile?
How to live a happy life
Don’t let go of Hope. Hope gives you the strength to keep going
when you feel like giving up.
Don’t ever quit believing in yourself. As long as you believe you Can,
You will have reason for Trying.
Don’t let anyone hold your Happiness in their Hands; Hold it in yours, so it will always be
within your Reach.
Don’t measure success or failure by material wealth, but by how you feel; our feelings determine the richness of our Lives.
Don’t let bad moments overcome you; be patient, and they will pass.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for Help; we all need it from time to time.
Don’t run away from love but towards Love. Because it is your deepest Joy.
Don’t wait for what you want to come to you. Go after it with all that You Are,
Knowing that Life will meet you Halfway.
Don’t feel like you’ve lost when plans and dreams fall short of your hopes.
Anytime you learn something new About Yourself or about Life, You have progressed.
Don’t do anything that takes away From your Self-Respect. Feeling good about Yourself
Is essential to feeling good about Life.
Don’t ever forget how to Laugh or be too proud to Cry. Or too stubborn to Smile
Don’t ever forget a friend who truly loves You As it could be that friend who is true to your Needs Don’t ever forget who helped you Grow as your need. For more seeds may often re-appear
With all the above live life to its Fullest…
when you feel like giving up.
Don’t ever quit believing in yourself. As long as you believe you Can,
You will have reason for Trying.
Don’t let anyone hold your Happiness in their Hands; Hold it in yours, so it will always be
within your Reach.
Don’t measure success or failure by material wealth, but by how you feel; our feelings determine the richness of our Lives.
Don’t let bad moments overcome you; be patient, and they will pass.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for Help; we all need it from time to time.
Don’t run away from love but towards Love. Because it is your deepest Joy.
Don’t wait for what you want to come to you. Go after it with all that You Are,
Knowing that Life will meet you Halfway.
Don’t feel like you’ve lost when plans and dreams fall short of your hopes.
Anytime you learn something new About Yourself or about Life, You have progressed.
Don’t do anything that takes away From your Self-Respect. Feeling good about Yourself
Is essential to feeling good about Life.
Don’t ever forget how to Laugh or be too proud to Cry. Or too stubborn to Smile
Don’t ever forget a friend who truly loves You As it could be that friend who is true to your Needs Don’t ever forget who helped you Grow as your need. For more seeds may often re-appear
With all the above live life to its Fullest…
How to survive a heart attack when alone
Let's say it's 6.15pm and you're driving home (alone of course) after an unusually hard day on the job.
You're really tired, and frustrated……
You are really stressed and upset with your boss….
Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw.
You are only five miles from the hospital nearest your home.
Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far
What do you do ???
You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself!!!
Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing conscious
Do not panic, but start coughing repeatedly and very vigorously.
A deep breath should be taken before each cough, the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.
A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.
Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital
Tell as many other people as possible about this.
It could save their lives!!! Don't ever think that you are not prone to heart attack as your age is less than 25 or 30. Nowadays due to the change in the Life style, heart attack is found among people of all age groups.
Be a friend and please Share this article to as many friends as possible.
You're really tired, and frustrated……
You are really stressed and upset with your boss….
Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw.
You are only five miles from the hospital nearest your home.
Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far
What do you do ???
You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself!!!
Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing conscious
Do not panic, but start coughing repeatedly and very vigorously.
A deep breath should be taken before each cough, the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.
A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.
Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital
Tell as many other people as possible about this.
It could save their lives!!! Don't ever think that you are not prone to heart attack as your age is less than 25 or 30. Nowadays due to the change in the Life style, heart attack is found among people of all age groups.
Be a friend and please Share this article to as many friends as possible.
The secret to losing weight and having perfect health
There are thousands of diet books and plans on The secret to losing weight and having perfect health. They can all be summarized into one simple five-word rule for proper weight, excellent health and long life: “Eat less and exercise more.”
The only way to achieve your proper weight is to develop the habit of eating less and exercising more each day and each week. But just as it takes you months and years to become overweight, it takes you many months to get rid of the weight once you make that decision.
It is not easy to lose weight. This is because you develop automatic habits of eating that are hard to break. You get into a rhythm of eating certain foods - morning, noon and night. You become accustomed to eating snacks between meals, and to overeating in the evening. It is not easy to break these habits, but it is definitely possible. This is your goal.
Setting Your Goal for Superb Physical Health
The way to achieve your ideal weight is to first of all set a specific goal for the amount that you want to weigh at a specific time and date. Write it down. You make a list of everything that you think of that you can do to achieve that goal.
You then take action on your list and you work on achieving this goal every single day until you reach it.
Be gentle with yourself. Don’t attempt to lose an enormous amount of weight in a short period of time. Just as it takes a long time to gain weight, it takes a long time to lose the weight and keep it off permanently. Resolve to lose one ounce per day, two pounds per month. You can set a higher goal if you like, but the more gradually you take off the weight by adjusting your eating and exercise habits, the more likely it is that you will develop new, permanent habits that will enable you to keep the weight off forever.
The only way to achieve your proper weight is to develop the habit of eating less and exercising more each day and each week. But just as it takes you months and years to become overweight, it takes you many months to get rid of the weight once you make that decision.
It is not easy to lose weight. This is because you develop automatic habits of eating that are hard to break. You get into a rhythm of eating certain foods - morning, noon and night. You become accustomed to eating snacks between meals, and to overeating in the evening. It is not easy to break these habits, but it is definitely possible. This is your goal.
Setting Your Goal for Superb Physical Health
The way to achieve your ideal weight is to first of all set a specific goal for the amount that you want to weigh at a specific time and date. Write it down. You make a list of everything that you think of that you can do to achieve that goal.
You then take action on your list and you work on achieving this goal every single day until you reach it.
Be gentle with yourself. Don’t attempt to lose an enormous amount of weight in a short period of time. Just as it takes a long time to gain weight, it takes a long time to lose the weight and keep it off permanently. Resolve to lose one ounce per day, two pounds per month. You can set a higher goal if you like, but the more gradually you take off the weight by adjusting your eating and exercise habits, the more likely it is that you will develop new, permanent habits that will enable you to keep the weight off forever.
He is not interested in you any more…Move on!
There are pains in a woman’s heart that memory cannot erase for a long, long time and that is the pain of losing a man she truly loves. So many women choose to hold on to a love that is already lost and that brings more pain. Hopefully, this article will shed some light on whether that man is interested in you or it’s time to move on.
If he's dating someone else, you've got to start moving on.
Please don't be naive. Wake up! Realize what's going on here. He doesn't share your feelings of wanting to back together. This is hard for a woman when you still have feelings for him.... but you're setting yourself up for ALL KINDS of pain and disappointment. Never allow men who have "someone else" in their life to keep sharing and expressing their feelings for you.
If a man doesn't know what he wants, he generally doesn't want what he's got.
This may sound harsh, but it's the truth of the situation. And even when it isn't completely true, it's a good rule to go by. If you challenge this idea, you need to recognize that he's not in the right place in his life to share what you want with him. Right now it sounds like your waiting for him to make up his mind what he wants is the right choice. But it’s not, he’ll just tag you along until someone better comes along and you will have no one to blame but you.
A good man who is the right person and wants to be with you will find his own way to his "Emotional Truth."
If his truth is that he wants to be with you, or not be with you, you have to respect that. But I see women do it all the time. The guy will be sending all kinds of subtle (or even direct) signs that he's not "available" or interested in something "serious", but the woman ignores them and just pays attention to the fact that he likes being with her when they're together. In other words, she substitutes the physical
connection, or even the occasional emotional connection, for the real relationship she wants
to be in.
Put more value on his actions, not his words
Forget what he says. Take some time to think about the past with the man, how he treats you, and then compare that to what will honestly make YOU happy, and what kind of relationship you want in your future. If you're honest about it with yourself, I don't think he'll fit well into that based on his actions and behavior.
A strong connection does NOT necessarily equal any interest in a relationship.
That's why it's CRITICAL that women learn to read the signals that a man sends about where he's at. Because he's surely not going to just lay it all out there for you. I promise. If he does, write me an email, tell me all about it, and give me his mailing address so I can send him his prize. I know you are wondering, why would a man have a great woman and a great connection with her that felt amazing when they were together, and not want a relationship? Just because he has feelings for you doesn’t mean that he wants to be in a relationship with you and be faithful.
You can't convince a man to want to be with you.
If a man ever tells you he does not know what he wants. Run my friend, and don’t look back. This is CLASSIC man-speak for "I'm not emotionally available and I'm not ready for a
real relationship”. When he can't get in touch with his feelings and isn't open to exploring them, it's a text-book
case of unavailability. Your convincing him and your wanting
him back, is making you come off in all kinds of ways that men
just don't respond well to. NO AMOUNT of talking, experience or reasoning with him can get him to feel the way you want him
to feel
Don’t try stay in touch with him and keep the connection alive.
I know it seems like the best idea to keep trying to stay in touch with him and keep the connection alive. But the truth is that you're just keeping this same old situation alive by pumping your time and attention into it. If instead, you step back and stop chasing him or trying to convince him you're the right woman, you’ll have an opportunity to do something that can honestly be ATTRACTIVE to him
Something funny happens when a man gets the space he asked for
If you do it in the right way, he's forced to deal with himself and his own feelings to figure out that all the things he is worried about, afraid of, fearful of "committing to", etc. And being by himself, he'll see that these things are really just in his own mind - and not bad things about YOU.
Move on
Get back to the things that you enjoy, the places you like to go and avoid places or things you used to do or see with that man. Spend some time with your friends and give yourself the space you deserve. The less you talk about what you are to him the better off you'll be.
And I think you'll be amazed at the results.
If he's dating someone else, you've got to start moving on.
Please don't be naive. Wake up! Realize what's going on here. He doesn't share your feelings of wanting to back together. This is hard for a woman when you still have feelings for him.... but you're setting yourself up for ALL KINDS of pain and disappointment. Never allow men who have "someone else" in their life to keep sharing and expressing their feelings for you.
If a man doesn't know what he wants, he generally doesn't want what he's got.
This may sound harsh, but it's the truth of the situation. And even when it isn't completely true, it's a good rule to go by. If you challenge this idea, you need to recognize that he's not in the right place in his life to share what you want with him. Right now it sounds like your waiting for him to make up his mind what he wants is the right choice. But it’s not, he’ll just tag you along until someone better comes along and you will have no one to blame but you.
A good man who is the right person and wants to be with you will find his own way to his "Emotional Truth."
If his truth is that he wants to be with you, or not be with you, you have to respect that. But I see women do it all the time. The guy will be sending all kinds of subtle (or even direct) signs that he's not "available" or interested in something "serious", but the woman ignores them and just pays attention to the fact that he likes being with her when they're together. In other words, she substitutes the physical
connection, or even the occasional emotional connection, for the real relationship she wants
to be in.
Put more value on his actions, not his words
Forget what he says. Take some time to think about the past with the man, how he treats you, and then compare that to what will honestly make YOU happy, and what kind of relationship you want in your future. If you're honest about it with yourself, I don't think he'll fit well into that based on his actions and behavior.
A strong connection does NOT necessarily equal any interest in a relationship.
That's why it's CRITICAL that women learn to read the signals that a man sends about where he's at. Because he's surely not going to just lay it all out there for you. I promise. If he does, write me an email, tell me all about it, and give me his mailing address so I can send him his prize. I know you are wondering, why would a man have a great woman and a great connection with her that felt amazing when they were together, and not want a relationship? Just because he has feelings for you doesn’t mean that he wants to be in a relationship with you and be faithful.
You can't convince a man to want to be with you.
If a man ever tells you he does not know what he wants. Run my friend, and don’t look back. This is CLASSIC man-speak for "I'm not emotionally available and I'm not ready for a
real relationship”. When he can't get in touch with his feelings and isn't open to exploring them, it's a text-book
case of unavailability. Your convincing him and your wanting
him back, is making you come off in all kinds of ways that men
just don't respond well to. NO AMOUNT of talking, experience or reasoning with him can get him to feel the way you want him
to feel
Don’t try stay in touch with him and keep the connection alive.
I know it seems like the best idea to keep trying to stay in touch with him and keep the connection alive. But the truth is that you're just keeping this same old situation alive by pumping your time and attention into it. If instead, you step back and stop chasing him or trying to convince him you're the right woman, you’ll have an opportunity to do something that can honestly be ATTRACTIVE to him
Something funny happens when a man gets the space he asked for
If you do it in the right way, he's forced to deal with himself and his own feelings to figure out that all the things he is worried about, afraid of, fearful of "committing to", etc. And being by himself, he'll see that these things are really just in his own mind - and not bad things about YOU.
Move on
Get back to the things that you enjoy, the places you like to go and avoid places or things you used to do or see with that man. Spend some time with your friends and give yourself the space you deserve. The less you talk about what you are to him the better off you'll be.
And I think you'll be amazed at the results.
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