competition

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read 'MAIN ENTRANCE'.

Things to ponder

... 1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside . So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world! That's called Attitude! Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said , he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow sure!

9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

10. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

11. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, When tears flows from your eyes always say these words.

12. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

YOUNG WOMEN ARE BETTER

A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays.

During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for her and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy godmother assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire. He paused for a moment, then said,

"Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and boom!

He was 90!!

YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

Don't tell me your age;

you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH This is pretty neat.

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!

It takes less than a minute.

Work this out as you read ... Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757... If you haven't, add 1756.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number.

The first digit of this was your original number.

(I.e., how many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

next two numbers WERE YOUR AGE LAST YEAR! ------ (Oh YES, it WAS!!!)

Now add one to get your age this year
Damn, am genius

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL EVER WORK,

SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS

40 Tips for a Better Life

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, ‘My purpose is to __________ today.’

5. Live with the 3 E’s—Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did during the past year.

7. Make time to practice meditation, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea instead of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, OR issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. REMEMBER GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.31. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!)

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. 40.You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.